I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
