The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
