Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
