There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You ruined the universe
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
