Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
