Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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