we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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