I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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