i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
