Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
