Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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