the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
