he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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