Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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