I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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