your thong is hanging out like whoa
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
