I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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