Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
