The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
