i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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