Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
