Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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