They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
