k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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