it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
