There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
