Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
