Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
