Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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