is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
