You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
