Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
