Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
