please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They are going to name an STD after you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
