he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
