I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
