I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
