yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
