in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
