His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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