I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
