i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
