i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
