I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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