you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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