girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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