my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
