By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Your penis caused this!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
