i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
