the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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