Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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