i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
