bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
