Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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