didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't put those talents on a resume
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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