My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
